Viewpoint: For The People That Don’t Want Your Help

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Have you ever tried to help someone that refused to accept your assistance? It seems to be in our good nature to be drawn into counselling those around us that are down and help them see optimism. As much as logic tells you that it wouldn’t make sense for them to decline your helping hand, it is more than common that those you offer help to refuse it. If you’re someone that loves a “quick-fix”, the learning curve for you may be steeper when they don’t want your “fix-it” personality.

We never want to let it go though. We don’t want to feel like we’ve given up on them before trying to help.

The missing piece of the puzzle is for the other person to want help and at no point can we force upon them our own beliefs no matter how right we think we are. Admitting to having problems is upsetting but change can be horrifying. Before you feel utterly disappointed in them for not realizing they need help, understand that we all like to think we are capable of managing our own problems (before it gets out of hand and desperation ensues). Once we become obsessed with idea of being at the bottom of the well, we don’t bother to figure out where the light is coming from at the opening –let alone build motivation to get out.

While there is no “quick-fix” answer to helping those that don’t want your help… there are certainly things you could avoid saying to those in a panicked/anxious state of being:

  • “Calm down.” Take action instead of telling them this. Being unaware of their anxiety will make their issue worse.
  • “I’ll just leave you for a minute.” Does it ever trouble you when you’re left alone with negative thoughts? Try distracting them with a story.
  • “Stop overreacting.” While we accept that physically falling causes pain and an upsetting reaction, we should also acknowledge that the stress of anxiety is in the mind and equally painful.

When you’re trying to help the  person that doesn’t want your help, they don’t see it as a favor, in fact, they may become defensive as if you are accusing them of living their life wrong. For those of you that want to help and be there for others: When at first you give suggestions and then push them to heal they may become stubborn and overreact… you can let them know you care but sometimes they need to realize their problems on their own.

Frustrating as it is –you can’t help someone that won’t let you help. Don’t be angry.

— itsfruitcakeweather.

Silence (And Other Deathly Introverted Ingredients)

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PART ONE: LIVING UP TO THE EXTROVERT IDEAL

  • Dominant
  • Energetic
  • Outgoing

Above are decorated qualities of stereotypical extroverts. Within our culture, we are nurtured according to these ideals as a recipe for personal success.

As a child I remember being grouped into 4s, 5s, 6s… to brainstorm, to share ideas, to learn. No doubt this was beneficial to certain students but this was hardly the case for me. I struggled to compose myself within group settings and proved to be a child “lacking in creativity” as deduced from the lack of assertiveness in my speech. To this day, I prefer individual thought before group contribution.

Not developing qualities as part of the extrovert ideal meant placing myself at risk of being singled out. Suddenly, social anxiety became less and less tolerated in the classroom setting. As a quiet child, you may find yourself being able to relate to this through your parents/mentors apologizing on your behalf for being “shy and quiet” (as if implying that anything other than assertively stating a spontaneous idea is unworthy).

 

PART TWO: EXTROVERSION OVERRATED, MY PERSONALITY UNDERRATED?

  • Serious
  • Shy
  • Quiet

Now despite identifying more with the introverted personality type, I hardly consider myself to be a serious person, nor do I deem my silence to be a result of shyness. After spending more than a decade under an education system valuing the extrovert ideal, I had become convinced that my own personality would not be able to carry me to my personal goal to be heard among other more assertive, extroverted individuals. I was persuaded by my extroverted peers’ outspoken personalities that attempting to express more stereotypical traits of extroversion will dilute my previous troubles in group environments and bring me success. Perhaps I was trying to be what Susan Cain labelled in her book Quiet to be “pseudo-extrovert”.

When did the turning point occur you may ask? My progression only began in the last several months and thus, the (?) in PART TWO of this quick snapshot. It never before occurred to me prior to this time that perhaps the extrovert ideal appeared more dominant because of the louder, more assertive voices that conveyed them. On the other hand, those that appreciated more individual time have the tendency to express their successes in a quieter manner.

 

PART THREE: MY OWN RECIPE FOR CREATIVITY aka HOW I WANT TO LIVE

✓  Wake up naturally instead of by alarm… BEEP BEEP BEEPPPPP –slams snooze button- 1 tsp/day

✓  Save travelling time and work when I’m most productive (I commend businesses that offer telecommuting positions) repeat 5x weekly for best flavour

✓  Embrace my naturally horrible social skills by further isolating myself from others and working at home dice 9 oz. finely until nearly unnoticeable

✓  Realize there might actually be too many distractions around at home to make room for creativity anyway slowly stir in 5 dashes of cat videos each hour

✓  Flaunt my extra flexible schedule to my working peers (In reality, I work in a little cubicle… one can dream right?) add as much as you please for preferable results

 

THE WRAP: Can you hear me?

At the end of the day, the most important thing isn’t the fact that I identify more as an introvert  –it’s discovering that I can live a fulfilling life under a dimly lit desk lamp instead of the Broadway stage spotlight. This also comes with realizing that extroverts themselves are not always comfortable in all social situations and that they too must make efforts to socialize. As cliche as it sounds, spend your days the way you think you should, not how you assume others’ think you should spend it. Staying home from what your more vocal peers deem to be the “biggest party of the year” is just as cool.

From the many fictional books I’ve read throughout the years, I learned there are different types of strength in this world and beyond it. While I strive to grow my knowledge, the most essential pinch of me is the part that adapts my personality to world –not the previous demeanor that pushed me to adapt another personality.

— itsfruitcakeweather.

 

This is a response to: DP Challenge

5 Wonderful Things You Should Do This Summer (Other Than Sunbathe And Eating Copious Amounts Of Ice Cream)

<3 Learn to cook/bake something new (or just learn to cook for yourself). If all fails make yourself a smoothie!

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<3 Shop for the freshest summer produce at your local farm market. They often have the best deals!!

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<3 Take 1 panorama of your surroundings everyday OR alternatively a 1 minute video to look back upon. It will act as a motivator for you to try more new and interesting activities.

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<3 Bring a bucket of chalk with you to a summer BBQ, picnic or any other gathering and go crazy!

<3 Go somewhere festive! If there is something worth celebrating it ought to be worth your time to take a stroll around this summer. You might learn… and pick up a couple balloon animals along the way.

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— itsfruitcakeweather.

“Quintet of Radiance”: Five Ennobling Awards & Very Inspiring Blogger Award!

I was shocked to discover just a couple days ago that Shivani had nominated me for Five Ennobling Awards! Many thanks to her and the rest of the awesome people that continue to read my posts. Being busy with work I haven’t had the opportunity until today to write a proper post to acknowledge the amazing people that read my blog. For years I’ve held back from posting publicly on a blog, but my fulfillment in the days since I started at the end of April has undeniably skyrocketed.

Awesome Blog Content (ABC) Award

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Inner Peace Award

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Most Influential Blogger Award

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Sunshine Award

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Versatile Blogger Award

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The ABC Award requires me to write a word or a phrase about myself for each of the English alphabets, so here it is:

A: Avocado in sushi but not anything else. I’m weird like that.

B: Big Comfy Couch. Absolutely adored this TV show when I was little. There was always something about the mysterious number of toys that the girl was able to fit into a couch.

C: Cats and cookies. I can’t bring myself to pick one of over the other. They make my life.

D: I used to wish on dandelions.

E: Eating is my sport.

F: I desperately wanted to be a figure skater when I was young.

G: My favourite Beanie Baby toy is a blue giraffe.

H: Homebody. This is me on most days.

I: Instant noodles. Something I have much more often than I really should.

J: Jam but not peanut butter. The two just don’t go together for me.

K: Knitting is a side-hobby of mine.

L: I’ve been lucky enough to have such caring people in my life.

M:May you walk through the world and know its beauty all the days of your life.” – Apache Blessing

N: New Caledonia. A place I would love to visit one day.

O: Ovaltine. I haven’t had it in forever but I really miss the idea of it.

P: PJs. My outfit of the day (everyday) if I could.

Q: When I was a child I got a quarter every Tuesday and believed I’d be rich by the time I hit my 20s.

R: Reality shows. I’m guilty of watching these for entertainment purposes.

S: It used to be stickers but… now I collect scarves!!

T: TedTalks. Best. Things. Ever. Like how I went from reality TV to TedTalks? Yeah, now you’re feeling a little skeptical.

U: I’ve never learned my lesson to carry an umbrella at all times despite living in a city that rains constantly.

V: Violin was really difficult to learn.

W: The wordpress platform!

X: Xylophone. The word I never learned to spell as a child.

Y: Yam fries! Or just yams in general because my family loves them.

Z: Zebra print. I can’t stand the pattern on furniture.

MY NOMINATIONS:

1. 20something and beyond – http://20somethingandbeyond.com/

2. Cristian Mihai – http://cristianmihai.net/

3. The Happy Guide – http://thehappyguide.wordpress.com/

4. TheBigForest – http://thebigforestuk.wordpress.com/

5. 2unpublishedgirls – http://2unpublishedgirls.com/

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UPDATE:

Thank you Tilly for nominating me for the ‘very inspiring blogger’ award just days after my first nomination!

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The rules for this award are:

1. Display the award logo on your blog.
2. Link back to the person who nominated you.
3. Nominate other bloggers for this award and link to them.
4. Notify those bloggers of the nomination and the award’s requirements.

MY NOMINATIONS:

  1. Sarah http://livetolist.wordpress.com/
  2. Katy http://katywarner.com/
  3. Julia http://defeatdespair.wordpress.com/
  4. Endahya http://carakata.wordpress.com/
  5. Jeks http://jeksplore.wordpress.com/

— itsfruitcakeweather.