I asked my sister to help me run an errand last week out of pure laziness. When I got back from work, I was pleasantly surprised with my package having been picked up and dinner ready.
There is nothing quite as satisfying as asking something of someone and having them exceed all expectations you had for them. Rarely does this happen, but when it does–it’s a glorious day.
More than anything it seems like we’re easily annoyed by all the little things. When your significant other is late for dinner, when your roommate eats your last pizza pocket, when someone doesn’t clean up after themselves around the house–when they aren’t really “listening” to the things you have to say. Being with others in general is not only a constant state of change but also filled with what feels like many unfulfilled expectations.
In moments of temporary resentment we resort to criticizing as an immediate response. Lucky for us, there are “new and improved” ways to respond to these situations with family and friends.
Acknowledge it. Move on.
Sometimes life happens and the trade off between being resentful and letting go–letting go is just freeing oneself of disappointment. Do whatever works for you. This isn’t a lesson of calming exercises as much as it is realizing real life experiences of upset and anger. It’s a human tendency to dwell on feelings of hurt and disappointment. Prolonged resentment is what makes our lives at home seem dissatisfying at times. This is one of the few cases where over-thinking benefits no one as it prolongs pain and damages relationships.
The times we want to nag roommates or family to do certain chores–criticize them for their lazy choices–realize it isn’t going to prompt anyone to take initiative next time around. It isn’t often that negative emotions, extreme or not, inspire others to make changes–let alone fulfill unmet expectations.
Have empathy for the person you want to criticize. Chances are you’ve neglected promises to do house chores as well. Rationalize the situation without using accusations and demanding language to create a defensive atmosphere. In this way, we get the point across without harboring resentment. Of course this takes much more control on our part but the results are certainly worth it. I’m sure you’d feel much more inclined to help someone who got their point across without demanding that you HAVE to do something but by using more appreciative words.
How silly of us to be hurting ourselves on the regular basis. We do this by misguiding ourselves to only consider the successes of others. Which of course, makes us look back upon ourselves and wonder why the heck we’re so seemingly terrible at what we’re doing. It constantly makes me wonder whether it’s merely a matter of confidence after all these years. The expectations we’ve placed upon ourselves and our lives don’t always match those we’ve laid out for others –it’s tempting to measure success at first glance.
The most important aspect has nothing to do with how we measure success like you might think. However, it has much more to do with the fact that we’re allowing the successes of other’s control our personal accomplishments in life. Just like originality can come from two writers blogging about the same topic and expressing it in completely different styles, what appears to be the same dream shared by two people can still be your very own. As the saying goes… the grass is always greener on the other side. And how blatantly obvious this must sound to all of us. So obvious it is horrifying that we continue to live out our lives based on what everyone else has achieved.
Sometimes blood, sweat and tears is all we see in ourselves –allowing it to diminish the value of our successes. At the same time we neglect the blood, sweat and tears of others. Even if you cannot directly relate to the falls of others, it is crucial to understand that everybody hasn’t got everything figured out and you are most definitely not inferior to anyone.
This doesn’t apply to only one type of success, whether it be career, family or love. Many of us might only spot the families having dinner together on Christmas Eve and it makes us question how our own families should function. But how different we all are when expressing love. Perhaps on Valentine’s Day you find yourself single and at a movie where the theater is filled with couples –do you then ponder the idea of why you are not as sought after as your best friend? In reality, things are rarely what they seem like at first glance and there is no single way for someone to have their life figured out. Stop looking to others for the answer because they don’t have one either. We might even discover that the best way about having our lives figured out is to actively place the focus on self progression rather than everyone else.
I get it though. Some of us are unaware, others just feel like the secret to having perfect lives has been outed to everyone but themselves. Doesn’t it also seem like the people that have it all figured out can always achieve things that appear so out of reach for you? Self-reflection can do us worlds of good but every supposed success of others doesn’t need to equate to re-evaluation of your self worth. While you are able to understand the mistakes of others, there is certainly no reason to think they are not capable of accepting yours.
Sure we have strong tendencies to think “everybody else has their lives figured out (but me)”. Sure on our bad days it appears unfair that the rest of the world is seemingly living in a cloud of bliss filled with cats and rainbows. But I’m most certain, with a little reminder, we can come to terms with the fact that everybody else does not have their lives all figured out. Rest assured that if the above logic all applied and everybody did have their lives figured out –that would mean your life is all figured out as well.
Have you ever tried to help someone that refused to accept your assistance? It seems to be in our good nature to be drawn into counselling those around us that are down and help them see optimism. As much as logic tells you that it wouldn’t make sense for them to decline your helping hand, it is more than common that those you offer help to refuse it. If you’re someone that loves a “quick-fix”, the learning curve for you may be steeper when they don’t want your “fix-it” personality.
We never want to let it go though. We don’t want to feel like we’ve given up on them before trying to help.
The missing piece of the puzzle is for the other person to want help and at no point can we force upon them our own beliefs no matter how right we think we are. Admitting to having problems is upsetting but change can be horrifying. Before you feel utterly disappointed in them for not realizing they need help, understand that we all like to think we are capable of managing our own problems (before it gets out of hand and desperation ensues). Once we become obsessed with idea of being at the bottom of the well, we don’t bother to figure out where the light is coming from at the opening –let alone build motivation to get out.
While there is no “quick-fix” answer to helping those that don’t want your help… there are certainly things you could avoid saying to those in a panicked/anxious state of being:
- “Calm down.” Take action instead of telling them this. Being unaware of their anxiety will make their issue worse.
- “I’ll just leave you for a minute.” Does it ever trouble you when you’re left alone with negative thoughts? Try distracting them with a story.
- “Stop overreacting.” While we accept that physically falling causes pain and an upsetting reaction, we should also acknowledge that the stress of anxiety is in the mind and equally painful.
When you’re trying to help the person that doesn’t want your help, they don’t see it as a favor, in fact, they may become defensive as if you are accusing them of living their life wrong. For those of you that want to help and be there for others: When at first you give suggestions and then push them to heal they may become stubborn and overreact… you can let them know you care but sometimes they need to realize their problems on their own.
Frustrating as it is –you can’t help someone that won’t let you help. Don’t be angry.
Learn to cook/bake something new (or just learn to cook for yourself). If all fails make yourself a smoothie!
Shop for the freshest summer produce at your local farm market. They often have the best deals!!
Take 1 panorama of your surroundings everyday OR alternatively a 1 minute video to look back upon. It will act as a motivator for you to try more new and interesting activities.
Bring a bucket of chalk with you to a summer BBQ, picnic or any other gathering and go crazy!
Go somewhere festive! If there is something worth celebrating it ought to be worth your time to take a stroll around this summer. You might learn… and pick up a couple balloon animals along the way.
Apparently this is what my sister imagined us to look like in the future in a journal entry where she wrote “She is the best big sister that anybody could get” when she was 8. Perhaps the best find this summer.
So not everyone plays Candy Crush but… I figured even if you haven’t, you probably receive about 999999999 notifications a day from your Facebook friends requesting more lives anyway. If that isn’t enough for you, Candy Crush also makes an appearance in Psy’s new music video:
We humans are such strange creatures. It seems that sometimes we don’t even understand why we continue neglecting priorities and procrastinating to keep playing games like Candy Crush Saga. Here is a little insight on why I believe Candy Crush is addictive —
It never ends.
From what I tell, Candy Crush Saga pretty much goes to infinity and beyond. If you happen to make it there, it appears there are other versions like FARM HEROES SAGA for you to deal with. (Not to mention I just found out you can actually get more lives for Candy Crush by playing the other versions of the game. Talk about never-ending.)
This is what makes Candy Crush so addictive. Ultimately, there is no goal. So no one is ever going to be able to say “I’ll be finished after this quest!” … Nope. You’re trapped.
You get to “interact” with Facebook friends.
Since none of us are willing to spend money to advance in Candy Crush, the game makes you send loads of requests to your Facebook friends to provide you with “tickets” to advance instead. This draws even more people into playing the ultimately pointless game. You can, as a result, “Play with Friends” as shown in the top right corner.
Its supposed to fulfill our need for human connections. Lovely. I suppose I can keep playing Candy Crush at the expense of real-life relationships. Send me more lives and we’re cool. PEER PRESSURE.
CANDY CRUSH SHOWS YOU RAINBOWS AND UNICORNS.
Its kind of like living out another childhood. WE JUST CAN’T BRING OURSELVES TO LEAVE A CRYING UNICORN 😥
Final Verdict: Candy Crush is evil. (And highly addictive.)