The Neglected Books

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Day after day you remained perched on my desk, guilt-tripping me at every glance for not picking you up again.

I still remembered the day I brought you home from the store. There seemed to be an endless amount of potential  that the words on your pages could bring to my life. In fact, I was more than delighted to have sent the little money I had on you, over what could have been a nice evening to the movies or a month’s worth of Netflix subscription. You temporarily deceived me into believing I was perhaps capable of becoming anything beautiful words could form: a writer, dancer, hippie, philosopher, entrepreneur…. there was no way I would’ve passed up the opportunity to know you.

Let it be known I appreciated the knowledge I have extracted from our short-lived time together. But why must you continue to emit non-verbal judgement as I go about my daily activities? As of now, you represent everything I thought you weren’t. You represent my unfinished meals, undone chores, piling schoolwork as I engage with passive entertainment like surfing Youtube and social media networks.

For weeks upon weeks I trudged to work, classes, and meetings with you. You would help me pass time with your many words of wisdom at the doctor’s office while waiting for an appointment. I couldn’t be more grateful but the weight you’ve placed upon  my shoulders while in my backpack has no doubt made me shrink a couple centimeters if not more. I despise you for this.  Shame.

Now I’m beginning to question your value. You’ve hurt my ambitions to achieve greater things in the world of literature.  Admittedly, I should have read you months ago whilst the wonderful summer rays but I procrastinated. Now my OCD is preventing me from neglecting you completely. I am unable to start again with other great written works because of your presence. All I ever really wanted was to maximize the lessons learned from you –not read every word you had to offer.

Believe me, I wanted to learn everything when I caught sight of you. From insight on global economics to math to poetry. I convinced myself you were a worthy investment. Now tell me the honest truth –has anyone ever managed to intake your every word? Do they work? Are they users of public transit that trudge through the cold rain with you on their side? Have they elected to read you over papers they should have read for class instead? Perhaps they took you to more interesting places. Maybe they wrote their first published novel with you by their side, took you travelling and introduced you to everyone at a party. Your thoughtfully composed sentences certainly do deserve more than 15 minutes of fame.

Don’t even get me started on your fictional counterparts! Such tall tales of magical kingdoms, wizards and vampires have had more than enough unwarranted exposure at the bookstore. Sometimes the story even turns into something like a bad pun. A considerable effort to convey a message but the bad punch line leaves a bitter aftertaste. The time I thought I was capable of burrowing through a 10 novel series has come and gone along with a series of unfortunate events.

So, to the books I have neglected on my desk for too long, I can only say I want to be the ambitious ordinary superhero you told me I could be and reach my goals with the wise words you have kindly bestowed on me. Today, I have no choice but to retire you to my shelf along with some other dated folks and visit the bookstore again.

— itsfruitcakeweather.

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How To Avoid Being Awkward

  • Don’t initiate hugs. I’ve been told I give terrible hugs. I believe part of the reason has to do with mismatched heights given that I’m on the short side. However, the main reason has to do with my habit of giving awkward one-armed hugs while patting the other person on the back. All of this is just bad timing. So if you’re more or less an awkward person don’t be putting yourself in that kind of situation. But seriously does anyone else do the awkward one-armed hug?!
  • Hold yourself back from pointing out the awkward silences. Been there, done that. I’ve done this in the past and… as if the situation wasn’t awkward enough to begin with (I definitely made it worse by pointing it out). Sometimes it seems like saying, “This is awkward” will ease the pain of awkward silence but chances are the joke wasn’t really funny. Better to let the person who was responsible for the awkward silence to switch up the mood wouldn’t you say?
  • Be sure to have your phone with you at all times. For all you awkward people you know why this is essential! From avoiding awkward eye contact in elevators to the extended family gathering. Your phone will prove to be a loyal companion: Entertaining you with apps and best of all giving you an excuse to avoid awkward socialization!
  • If you have nothing to say, there is no need to comment on the weather. Usually we’re not sure where to go with the conversation after we make a comment about the weather anyway. “Such nice weather outside today!”  Doesn’t really cut it when you run out of things to say to that random acquaintance you forgot the name of over the weekend… I think it really is better for us to politely excuse ourselves —chances are they’re out of things to tell you about as well!
  • Get off Facebook and interact with people in real-life instead. At the end of the day, avoiding social interaction in-person will only prove to make you more awkward and uncomfortable when confronted with the matter. Summer is just around the corner, so challenge yourself to go out of your way to the next BBQ or community event and speak to people face-to-face! (Admittedly, I do prefer hiding behind my keyboard sometimes as well.)

— itsfruitcakeweather.

10 Problems With Staying Up Late (For All You Night Owls)

  1. One of the most challenging tasks is to sneak your way to the kitchen without making noise while everyone is already sleeping. Suddenly that little board that creaks makes the most monstrous sound when you step on it and the packaging of your junk food is louder than you had ever imagined.
  2. You end up sleeping in later than planned and end up not being able to do what you had in mind yesterday. Doesn’t it suck to wake up after noon and feel like you’ve wasted away half your day already? For whatever reason, the day feels miraculously longer when you get up early in the morning.
  3. While surfing the internet late into the night, you often come across hilarious/inspiring articles but can’t share them on your social networks. This is because there is not one up at that time to see it. Better off saving it for when everyone else will be up to read it eh?
  4. Overusing the excuse of consuming too much coffee/tea to the point that no one really believes you anymore. We all know you just don’t sleep. Can’t sleep. Won’t sleep.
  5. On the one night you’re exhausted and head to bed before midnight, the people you live with question if something is the matter with you. It seems that your habit of not sleeping has become a norm in the household and when you do sleep something must be wrong.
  6. People talk about getting up early to watch the sunrise and listen to the birds sing. Been there done that (almost every night).
  7. When you pull yourself to work/school in the morning you look like a zombie and complain to everyone around you about being tired –only to annoy them.
  8. You have no difficulty keeping in touch with people in different time zones across the globe because you don’t sleep anyway.
  9. The only thing really stopping you from taking up a graveyard shift at some part-time job is the fact that you’ll want to sleep once you get to it.
  10. You’re reading this really late into the night.

— itsfruitcakeweather.

5 Things That Make Me More Nervous Than They Should

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  1. Ordering something that I’ve never eaten before at a restaurant. Sometimes I don’t even know what the dish is going to look like but my friend just happens to recommend it. I mean what could possibly happen? Maybe I’ll hate the entree… doesn’t hurt to try right? At this point I do want to try something new but my gut tells me that I might be getting TOO ADVENTUROUS. Not to mention on top of that, I’m not sure how to pronounce the name. So in fear of embarrassing myself further –I’ll just stick with the mushroom burger please. Thanks.
  2. Wearing make-up in public. I rarely wear any make-up. On the days that I do, I am well aware that people will notice the products on my face. There really isn’t a win to this situation. If I don’t get an compliments I feel like perhaps that I shouldn’t have made the extra effort… but when I do: I don’t know how to respond to compliments. At this point I’ve really just given up.
  3. Having to give an interesting fact about myself during a mandatory introduction. At some point in your life you’re going to attend some class or event where they make you go around and introduce yourself. As if that isn’t horrifying enough already –they want you to tell everyone an interesting fact about yourself! OKAY MY NAME IS ____ AND UHM… UHM… HMMM… THERE IS NOTHING INTERESTING ABOUT MYSELF!! WHAT AM I GOING TO SAY?!! Alright well, I like cats. Too mainstream. I colour code all my books –might be slightly weird. Maybe I can sneak out before its my turn… (You get the picture.)
  4. Someone saying nice things about me. Going back to #2 … I wonder if “thanks” suffices when I’m too stunned to speak words?!
  5. Greeting someone that may or may not remember me. I can’t be the only one here. You remember that person but you don’t know if they really remember meeting you. You could say “Hi” but that may result in you looking stupid when they don’t respond in return. But you had great conversations with them before! Better not risk it, too many people around.

– itsfruitcakeweather.

3 Pointless Interview Questions To Ask (Or Otherwise Need To be Reworded)

Awhile ago I wrote on 5 Reasons To Love The Job You Love To Hate. Since then I’ve had 2 interviews and here are some thoughts on interview questions as a result of recent experience:

  1. Where do you see yourself in 5-10 years? A lot of the times when you get asked this question as the interviewee, you’ll feel the need to make up some amazing answer to make it seem like you have some direction in your life. While you take the time to say relatively positive things like, “Working for your company!” or “Going back to school for my graduate degree!”, you actually wonder if you’re going to be living in a shack in 10 years because of how bad the economic times are. Okay, so I know our answers are supposed to show the potential employer where we see our careers to be headed but… most of us just haven’t got a clue.
  2. If you could be any ingredient in a salad what would you be? I’m guilty of asking this one while conducting an interview myself but my only intention was to lighten the otherwise tense atmosphere. Aside from this however, I see no meaningful reason for questions like these to be asked. Perhaps for laughs (I hope) because I’ve never given great answers for these types of questions. How about: “I WANT TO BE THE OLIVE BECAUSE PEOPLE HATE ME –SO I’D NEVER BE EATEN!” Brilliant. Creative. Totally shows that I’m fit for the job!
  3. What is your greatest weakness? There are really only 2 options when attempting to answer this question. Either you want the job or you don’t. Given you do want this job, you may start going on about a weakness completely irrelevant to the job (or otherwise flaunting how you’re just too much of a perfectionist sometimes). If you tell them a weakness directly relevant to the job… well, you’re not getting it and I’m not too sure why you’re at the interview anyway. Essentially, this question needs to be reworded because no one is ever going to talk about a weakness relevant to the job even if they had one.

– itsfruitcakeweather.

The PROS and CONS of Instagram

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  • PRO: By the time you’re 65 you’ll have an infinite number of selfies to remind yourself of what you looked like when you were young. (Not to mention photos to show all your grandchildren.)
  • CON: You’ll be reminded that you no longer look like that.
  • PRO: The filters automatically make all your photos look better than they would without.
  • CON: You know its all a lie. You’re no photographer.
  • PRO: You can add 50+ tags to 1 single Instagram photo you take to share with the world.
  • CON: #love #tagsforlikes #tweetgram #photooftheday #50likes #followme #follow4follow #yolo #swag #instalike #instalove #igers #food #nofilter #iphoneonly #photography #instadaily #foodpic #hungry #dessert #outfit #fashion #pink #nails #hair #sunshine #bieber #onedirection #music #PLEASESTOPTHISMADNESS
  • PRO: Your food looks so great on Instagram, now all your followers are jealous!!
  • CON: At some point taking a photo of the food became more important than actually consuming it. You also make yourself hungry late at night when you open Instagram to check for new updates. Karma.
  • PRO: There are millions of cat pictures for you to sit and sift through for weeks to come.
  • CON: I guess there really isn’t a CON to this one.

– itsfruitcakeweather.

7 Signs You’re Dating Facebook

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  1. You check it as soon as you get up in the morning. Pick up your phone, turn on your laptop –check Facebook. You’re afraid you missed out on some emotional 3AM status update from that person your hardly know but went to high school with. You’re also disappointed you didn’t get to like the new profile picture your crush posted right when they posted it because you were asleep. Terrible start to the day.
  2. You get more excited than you should when you receive notifications. Okay, so maybe you’ve been waiting on some event invite or more likes on the new food picture you posted to make your Facebook Friends jealous. That is hardly being attached to Facebook right? Its just that getting more recognition from Facebook somehow makes your day a little better.
  3. You want to tell Facebook where you’re going… actually you just want to tell Facebook EVERYTHING. You tell it when you’re going to the mall, what you’re eating, how you felt that day, the nightmare you had last night, when you change your job… the relationship is getting pretty serious.
  4. Twitter, Tumblr, Pinterest… you’ve got it all but they can’t replace Facebook. You find yourself spending the same amount of time on Facebook regardless of how many other social media accounts you have. It can’t be helped that Facebook contains all your contacts! Twitter just isn’t the same you’d say to yourself. Actually, you just don’t even bother looking at the other things you have because you’re so happy just using Facebook alone.
  5. Everyone uses it too since its gone “mainstream”; the hipster in you doesn’t even care. When you started using it 6 years ago, you didn’t think it would become anything serious. Now you don’t even care if everyone else is using it despite being a self-proclaimed ‘hipster’. Well, love knows no bounds.
  6. You have a Facebook tab open at all times. This is the part where you feel the need to have access to Facebook at all times of the day. Sort of like going above and beyond checking up on your boyfriend/girlfriend and watching them sleep at this point.
  7. You try to add some app to your browser to limit the time you spend on Facebook but end up disabling the app to defeat the purpose. Its doing you no good by helping you procrastinate but you just miss it too much. You long to stare deeply into its vast timeline of updates, photos and texts… such a love-hate relationship.

At this point, the dating has gone from casual to unhealthy. I encourage you to seek help.

Try getting away from Facebook for a day (you’ll come back to realize you hardly missed out on anything)!

– itsfruitcakeweather.